You're such a little fighter. You're sitting on the floor of your Auntie Christene's apartment begging not to leave. The door is open and you don't know if you'll ever come back once you walk through. I can't say I blame you. Look at all you're leaving behind. A boy you've just discovered you like...A LOT who (for once in your life) likes you back, a friend who stuck by you after you left her behind....DISNEY WORLD! Things'll be so different when you leave that plane. The air is hot, it only rains when you want the sun, the school you're going to attend for the next three years is horrid. Things will be bad before they are better. The important thing you must remember is never blame yourself. Yes, you should take responsibility for your own decisions. But don't punish yourself for things that have already come to pass. Not all of it is your fault. You're a wonderful and beautiful little girl.
I'm not lying to you. I'm not telling you things your mother would, keeping you safe from yourself. The road will be so rocky, but there will be people there to pull you through. Everywhere you look. Sometimes, there will be people who unintentionally bring you down. Okay, scratch that. There will always be people who bring you down. But don't blame them, either. It's not your fault, it's not theirs. It's life's. And there's only one way to beat life. You live it. You live every moment you can, one step at a time. And there will be times when you freak out and decide it's not worth it. You might be right. But consider this, if you kill yourself now how will you get to see Milena in two years? Wait a little longer. Every day, there will be a little reason to live. And in a couple of years, you can list them all by name.
There will be so many people who will inspire you, even if you don't know each other too well. The little things in their lives keeping you going. Nicky, if you don't step through that door you will never know the friends who have kept you alive for five years. Five years! We both know what an accomplishment that is in Nicky days. Yes, you will end up taking meds and yes, you will be a little crazier than you were before you left. But you will be happier. You will understand life a bit better. I can't promise you will cry less. In two years, you will cry harder than you ever have before and three years after that, you will cry at any given moment. But you will laugh so hard at Aisha's randomness, Zahra's blankness and Adrian's sarcasm. I know you don't know them yet, but you will soon. And your brother will be there too. He's not just a little boy, Nicky. He's your stronghold. The only one who is right there with you even when he's clueless and pissed off. You're gonna find that you'll be the only one who can enter his room when he's angry and though he may not talk, he'll let you. And that's saying something.
There's a computer downstairs at Shenstone and there'll be more notebooks than your creative mind can handle. Keep writing. Maybe one day we'll finish a story. Don't forget about your art. Something tells me you'll be an animator someday. And consider this, we never got our own game console until we moved to Jamaica. There will be positive things...even though the uniforms suck. They will be hard to find, but they are there. So get up, put on those old lavender New Balance sneakers and walk out the door, crying as hard as you need to. Mummy's there and so is Chris. They'll support you all the way home. And trust me, it won't be so bad once you reach Shenstone, remember that big balcony? And we have a cat now! A real pet. It's gonna be okay, even though I don't know when.
With newfound love for you and me,
Nikii G, Age 17
PS: Cut your hair after you turn 16, it'll freak everyone out. XD
PPS: Oh! And watch Scrubs, you'll love it. ....ok, I'm out.
I'm not lying to you. I'm not telling you things your mother would, keeping you safe from yourself. The road will be so rocky, but there will be people there to pull you through. Everywhere you look. Sometimes, there will be people who unintentionally bring you down. Okay, scratch that. There will always be people who bring you down. But don't blame them, either. It's not your fault, it's not theirs. It's life's. And there's only one way to beat life. You live it. You live every moment you can, one step at a time. And there will be times when you freak out and decide it's not worth it. You might be right. But consider this, if you kill yourself now how will you get to see Milena in two years? Wait a little longer. Every day, there will be a little reason to live. And in a couple of years, you can list them all by name.
There will be so many people who will inspire you, even if you don't know each other too well. The little things in their lives keeping you going. Nicky, if you don't step through that door you will never know the friends who have kept you alive for five years. Five years! We both know what an accomplishment that is in Nicky days. Yes, you will end up taking meds and yes, you will be a little crazier than you were before you left. But you will be happier. You will understand life a bit better. I can't promise you will cry less. In two years, you will cry harder than you ever have before and three years after that, you will cry at any given moment. But you will laugh so hard at Aisha's randomness, Zahra's blankness and Adrian's sarcasm. I know you don't know them yet, but you will soon. And your brother will be there too. He's not just a little boy, Nicky. He's your stronghold. The only one who is right there with you even when he's clueless and pissed off. You're gonna find that you'll be the only one who can enter his room when he's angry and though he may not talk, he'll let you. And that's saying something.
There's a computer downstairs at Shenstone and there'll be more notebooks than your creative mind can handle. Keep writing. Maybe one day we'll finish a story. Don't forget about your art. Something tells me you'll be an animator someday. And consider this, we never got our own game console until we moved to Jamaica. There will be positive things...even though the uniforms suck. They will be hard to find, but they are there. So get up, put on those old lavender New Balance sneakers and walk out the door, crying as hard as you need to. Mummy's there and so is Chris. They'll support you all the way home. And trust me, it won't be so bad once you reach Shenstone, remember that big balcony? And we have a cat now! A real pet. It's gonna be okay, even though I don't know when.
With newfound love for you and me,
Nikii G, Age 17
PS: Cut your hair after you turn 16, it'll freak everyone out. XD
PPS: Oh! And watch Scrubs, you'll love it. ....ok, I'm out.
[As posted by me: May 28, 2008- Facebook Notes]
