-That nearly every testament of sin in Oscar Wilde's "The Picture of Dorian Gray" is a thought that haunts me daily.
-That I can't be like everyone and settle down as soon as I find love. My mind doth wander as my soul doth search.
- Pointles hatred in far too many people.
-Chocolate doesn't cure everything, but it keeps me from crying myself to sleep at night.
-Doctors prefer to solve the effect, not the cause.
-Money in the pockets of those who need it not.
-That talent is something that is only easy to throw away when it is hard to use.
-That those who care too much about the rich and famous care little about themselves.
-All I need in life is a pen and something to say out loud.
-Music chases me everywhere. It's my life.
-Prayer only helps if you really mean it and if you regard it as your first priority.
-That God has no gender, pity for the fallen, a cruel plan for peace and an awful sense of humor.
-Little hope for myself within myself and plenty where is doesn't belong- in others.
-That sometimes the best stress relief is accomplishment of something you didn't really need to do.
-That sometimes thte Universe can make mistakes, but humans can find solutions.
-Coincidence is for people in denial of the paranormal.
-Superficiality is the best cure for depression.
-Love in those willing to admit that sometimes sacrifice is necessary just to see if it could work.
[As written by me on Facebook, March 7, 2008]
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Dear 12-Year-Old Nicky,
You're such a little fighter. You're sitting on the floor of your Auntie Christene's apartment begging not to leave. The door is open and you don't know if you'll ever come back once you walk through. I can't say I blame you. Look at all you're leaving behind. A boy you've just discovered you like...A LOT who (for once in your life) likes you back, a friend who stuck by you after you left her behind....DISNEY WORLD! Things'll be so different when you leave that plane. The air is hot, it only rains when you want the sun, the school you're going to attend for the next three years is horrid. Things will be bad before they are better. The important thing you must remember is never blame yourself. Yes, you should take responsibility for your own decisions. But don't punish yourself for things that have already come to pass. Not all of it is your fault. You're a wonderful and beautiful little girl.
I'm not lying to you. I'm not telling you things your mother would, keeping you safe from yourself. The road will be so rocky, but there will be people there to pull you through. Everywhere you look. Sometimes, there will be people who unintentionally bring you down. Okay, scratch that. There will always be people who bring you down. But don't blame them, either. It's not your fault, it's not theirs. It's life's. And there's only one way to beat life. You live it. You live every moment you can, one step at a time. And there will be times when you freak out and decide it's not worth it. You might be right. But consider this, if you kill yourself now how will you get to see Milena in two years? Wait a little longer. Every day, there will be a little reason to live. And in a couple of years, you can list them all by name.
There will be so many people who will inspire you, even if you don't know each other too well. The little things in their lives keeping you going. Nicky, if you don't step through that door you will never know the friends who have kept you alive for five years. Five years! We both know what an accomplishment that is in Nicky days. Yes, you will end up taking meds and yes, you will be a little crazier than you were before you left. But you will be happier. You will understand life a bit better. I can't promise you will cry less. In two years, you will cry harder than you ever have before and three years after that, you will cry at any given moment. But you will laugh so hard at Aisha's randomness, Zahra's blankness and Adrian's sarcasm. I know you don't know them yet, but you will soon. And your brother will be there too. He's not just a little boy, Nicky. He's your stronghold. The only one who is right there with you even when he's clueless and pissed off. You're gonna find that you'll be the only one who can enter his room when he's angry and though he may not talk, he'll let you. And that's saying something.
There's a computer downstairs at Shenstone and there'll be more notebooks than your creative mind can handle. Keep writing. Maybe one day we'll finish a story. Don't forget about your art. Something tells me you'll be an animator someday. And consider this, we never got our own game console until we moved to Jamaica. There will be positive things...even though the uniforms suck. They will be hard to find, but they are there. So get up, put on those old lavender New Balance sneakers and walk out the door, crying as hard as you need to. Mummy's there and so is Chris. They'll support you all the way home. And trust me, it won't be so bad once you reach Shenstone, remember that big balcony? And we have a cat now! A real pet. It's gonna be okay, even though I don't know when.
With newfound love for you and me,
Nikii G, Age 17
PS: Cut your hair after you turn 16, it'll freak everyone out. XD
PPS: Oh! And watch Scrubs, you'll love it. ....ok, I'm out.
I'm not lying to you. I'm not telling you things your mother would, keeping you safe from yourself. The road will be so rocky, but there will be people there to pull you through. Everywhere you look. Sometimes, there will be people who unintentionally bring you down. Okay, scratch that. There will always be people who bring you down. But don't blame them, either. It's not your fault, it's not theirs. It's life's. And there's only one way to beat life. You live it. You live every moment you can, one step at a time. And there will be times when you freak out and decide it's not worth it. You might be right. But consider this, if you kill yourself now how will you get to see Milena in two years? Wait a little longer. Every day, there will be a little reason to live. And in a couple of years, you can list them all by name.
There will be so many people who will inspire you, even if you don't know each other too well. The little things in their lives keeping you going. Nicky, if you don't step through that door you will never know the friends who have kept you alive for five years. Five years! We both know what an accomplishment that is in Nicky days. Yes, you will end up taking meds and yes, you will be a little crazier than you were before you left. But you will be happier. You will understand life a bit better. I can't promise you will cry less. In two years, you will cry harder than you ever have before and three years after that, you will cry at any given moment. But you will laugh so hard at Aisha's randomness, Zahra's blankness and Adrian's sarcasm. I know you don't know them yet, but you will soon. And your brother will be there too. He's not just a little boy, Nicky. He's your stronghold. The only one who is right there with you even when he's clueless and pissed off. You're gonna find that you'll be the only one who can enter his room when he's angry and though he may not talk, he'll let you. And that's saying something.
There's a computer downstairs at Shenstone and there'll be more notebooks than your creative mind can handle. Keep writing. Maybe one day we'll finish a story. Don't forget about your art. Something tells me you'll be an animator someday. And consider this, we never got our own game console until we moved to Jamaica. There will be positive things...even though the uniforms suck. They will be hard to find, but they are there. So get up, put on those old lavender New Balance sneakers and walk out the door, crying as hard as you need to. Mummy's there and so is Chris. They'll support you all the way home. And trust me, it won't be so bad once you reach Shenstone, remember that big balcony? And we have a cat now! A real pet. It's gonna be okay, even though I don't know when.
With newfound love for you and me,
Nikii G, Age 17
PS: Cut your hair after you turn 16, it'll freak everyone out. XD
PPS: Oh! And watch Scrubs, you'll love it. ....ok, I'm out.
[As posted by me: May 28, 2008- Facebook Notes]
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Rant Trilogy: Part III
DUDE STFU Plx0rz Part 3: Ceremonial Advances
"I never said I wanted to improve my station"
So this year I get to graduate. *sarcastic w00t* And it's brought to mind alot of confusion in terms of ceremonies and their purpose. Quite frankly, I think that a graduation like the one at Immaculate is drawn-out and a little bit pointless. Most graduations these days are "get up and get the diploma" affairs. Not my school. Nah, Immaculate is reverred for their "beautiful" (aka uniform) and traditional (*cough* boring) graduation ceremony. And that's all fine and dandy, but why do they feel the need to put us all through hell because they need it all down on a line?
GO SUCK SOMETHIN'!
Completely blank white pumps with no studs, rhinestones, large buckles or decorations. No wedge heels, no weaves, no acrylic nails, no excessive makeup. Stay in line, walk according to the 2/2 beat but do it in our incorrect 4/4 measure. OMG people!
I acknowledge the importance of saving petty faces in a world full of semantics, but have consideration for the17 year old sickly kid who just caught the flu and doesn't want to be in the sun while running a fever, or the Chinese midget with a size 5 foot who's walking with her hands stiff because her shoes are too big. And if that weren't bad enough, why don't we all sing 'One Song'? Freakin' A! Oh the fun we all have!
And of course, while I was ranting on how graduation isn't really for the kids who are getting leg cramps for "sitting decorously" but rather their selfish parents who didn't think that it was enough that their kids made it through the year without killing themselves (or a certain weave-head teacher with a voice like a lawnmower), it was brought to my attention that that's pretty much the deal for ALL ceremonies. How many babies do you know who want their heads dunked in cold water by a guy in a dress? Didn't think so. Actually, the only ceremony I can really think that the star of it all wants to be is a wedding. Hell hath no fury like a bride who has just found out that her bridesmaids really don't want to wear lime green chiffon gowns.
I don't really want to start a huge debate, but do you really think that an all-powerful, all-knowing dude in the sky needs proof that these two people love each other enough to spend the est of their lies together? If he really knows everything, then this wedding isn't for God. No matter what you do, he will always know your intentions right?
"My road of good intentions led where such roads always lead."
So many people are convinced that a marriage isn't one unless their is some kind of public ceremony that says so. Bullshit. Love is love. No church can change that.
Do I intend to get married? Yes. Do I want a wedding? That's undecided. It may end up being a compromise between myself and my fiance. No churches, that's my only request.
"I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like.
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink
And I don't give a hoot about what you think."
So then it all ends up with you asking me a simple question: "If you have such a problem with graduation, why are you doing it?" Well, once again I am as human as you are with a very human taste for tradition. And although I'd prefer not to walk on graduation day, I made an agreement with my grandmother for the sake of the tradition that I'd like to stay in tact : the ball. If I don't walk, my grandmother doesn't pay for my ball...anything, so there. And of course, none of my family will disagree with her so I would be up to my own devices for the tickets, limo, dress, etc.
Once again, I am tricked out of my rebellion by my age. Damnit.
[As written by me: June 24, 2008]
"I never said I wanted to improve my station"
So this year I get to graduate. *sarcastic w00t* And it's brought to mind alot of confusion in terms of ceremonies and their purpose. Quite frankly, I think that a graduation like the one at Immaculate is drawn-out and a little bit pointless. Most graduations these days are "get up and get the diploma" affairs. Not my school. Nah, Immaculate is reverred for their "beautiful" (aka uniform) and traditional (*cough* boring) graduation ceremony. And that's all fine and dandy, but why do they feel the need to put us all through hell because they need it all down on a line?
GO SUCK SOMETHIN'!
Completely blank white pumps with no studs, rhinestones, large buckles or decorations. No wedge heels, no weaves, no acrylic nails, no excessive makeup. Stay in line, walk according to the 2/2 beat but do it in our incorrect 4/4 measure. OMG people!
I acknowledge the importance of saving petty faces in a world full of semantics, but have consideration for the17 year old sickly kid who just caught the flu and doesn't want to be in the sun while running a fever, or the Chinese midget with a size 5 foot who's walking with her hands stiff because her shoes are too big. And if that weren't bad enough, why don't we all sing 'One Song'? Freakin' A! Oh the fun we all have!
And of course, while I was ranting on how graduation isn't really for the kids who are getting leg cramps for "sitting decorously" but rather their selfish parents who didn't think that it was enough that their kids made it through the year without killing themselves (or a certain weave-head teacher with a voice like a lawnmower), it was brought to my attention that that's pretty much the deal for ALL ceremonies. How many babies do you know who want their heads dunked in cold water by a guy in a dress? Didn't think so. Actually, the only ceremony I can really think that the star of it all wants to be is a wedding. Hell hath no fury like a bride who has just found out that her bridesmaids really don't want to wear lime green chiffon gowns.
I don't really want to start a huge debate, but do you really think that an all-powerful, all-knowing dude in the sky needs proof that these two people love each other enough to spend the est of their lies together? If he really knows everything, then this wedding isn't for God. No matter what you do, he will always know your intentions right?
"My road of good intentions led where such roads always lead."
So many people are convinced that a marriage isn't one unless their is some kind of public ceremony that says so. Bullshit. Love is love. No church can change that.
Do I intend to get married? Yes. Do I want a wedding? That's undecided. It may end up being a compromise between myself and my fiance. No churches, that's my only request.
"I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like.
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink
And I don't give a hoot about what you think."
So then it all ends up with you asking me a simple question: "If you have such a problem with graduation, why are you doing it?" Well, once again I am as human as you are with a very human taste for tradition. And although I'd prefer not to walk on graduation day, I made an agreement with my grandmother for the sake of the tradition that I'd like to stay in tact : the ball. If I don't walk, my grandmother doesn't pay for my ball...anything, so there. And of course, none of my family will disagree with her so I would be up to my own devices for the tickets, limo, dress, etc.
Once again, I am tricked out of my rebellion by my age. Damnit.
[As written by me: June 24, 2008]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
