I was with you

That day when you cried because you thought your father was dying, that was me holding your hand.
And I was with you when you growled with jealousy because your mother didn't see you in the presence of your brother.
I was with with you when you dragged a blade across your flesh to distract yourself from your mother's screaming.
When you watched your brother shake and sweat before being carried in an ambulance with an oxygen mask, I was with you. I was there.
I remember the night you thought you would never wake up and the morning after when there was a great depression as you realised you had. I was there, I was with you.
I know how safe you felt in the mental ward of the hospital and some days you dream about living in that world...alone.
I am not God sending you a message from the skies. I am not some spirit of a passed relative. I am you, that bit of you who knows it will get better and I am with you always. The part of you that understands your detestation of human nature, but knows that life without company is empty.
That day that you curled up like a fetus in a womb, crying that he took it all and still doesn't love as much as you love him...I was there. I was in pain too, that day, but I was there.I was there when you thought you'd never be with the one you love again because your parents just don't get it. I thought you looked like a teenage movie character, but I knew you were hurting.
I was there when they took that house away. I knew how you felt because I felt it too.
I was there when that addiction to pain flared up because you didn't have good company. You had no one, really. When you were gone from public for a month because you couldn't stand being around people, I was there.
I am always with you, because you're stronger than you think. You're a pretty smart person and you know that you're getting better. But for a smart girl, you're pretty stupid sometimes. This shit doesn't happen overnight and you can't cure depression with Paxil. So stop whining and do what you have to. I'll be here.

[Posted By me on Facebook June 16, 2008; 11:11 pm]